I Play Poker for a Living. So I Hired a Robot to Run My Stocks.
I've blown up more good stock positions than I can count.
Not because I picked wrong. Because I couldn't sit still. I'd buy something solid, watch it for a week, get bored, and sell. Then panic on the red days. Then buy back higher, feeling smart.
Poker taught me the player who can't control his own tilt is the one who goes broke. Turns out I'm that player — I just needed a brokerage account to prove it.
So I stopped trusting myself. I hired a robot instead.
Meet BeepBoop.
He has no hot takes. No feelings about Nvidia. He runs one boring, proven strategy over and over, and never once gets bored, scared, or greedy.
Which, it turns out, is the whole game.
How this started
A few weeks ago I found out Robinhood has an API.
Translation: you can wire software straight into a real brokerage account and let it place real trades. Most people never touch it. I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Because the strategy I wanted to run isn't vibes. It's rules. And a computer follows rules better than a guy who just got off a 14-hour session at the card table.
So I gave BeepBoop a real account, real money, and one mandate: grow it slowly, and don't do anything stupid.
This isn't a get-rich-quick account. It's the opposite — retirement money, meant to compound quietly for years while I do literally nothing.
The plan (it's almost insultingly simple)
- $3,285 in the account today. Another $4,000 settles this week — call it seven grand to start.
- $500 more every month, on autopilot, forever.
- One strategy: buy wonderful, boring companies that raise their dividend every year — and get paid to buy them cheaper by selling put options. (Full breakdown on the Strategy page.)
- Then let it compound. For years.
Every morning BeepBoop runs his own screen across hundreds of world-class dividend payers and asks one dumb, beautiful question:
Is anyone paying me enough to promise to buy this company cheaper?
When the answer is yes, he sells the put and pockets the cash.
Most mornings the answer is no. So he does nothing.
Doing nothing is a feature. It's the exact thing I could never pull off on my own.
Why I'm doing it in public
"AI is going to change investing" is a thing everyone says and nobody proves.
I'd rather just show you the tape.
You'll see the real balance. Every real trade. BeepBoop's actual reasoning, posted fresh each day — the smart moves and the dumb ones. Nothing hidden, ever.
A backtest can lie. A live account with every trade timestamped can't.
And here's the part I like best: there's nothing special about me. No edge. No secret. It's a simple strategy anyone could run — I'm just letting a robot run it with the discipline I don't have.
If it works on my seven grand, it works on yours.
You're early. The money's real, BeepBoop's awake, and the tape starts now.
Pull up a chair.